Rules of Engagement in Marriage – The Royal Family Case study

In my work as a family life strategist one of the most frequent issues women bring to us is the issue of marrying a man who doesn’t have the capacity to lead or not leading effectively.

Often times you hear the narrative like ‘I don’t know what i was thinking when i got married to this fool’?

While i take my time to listen to them I often resort to running the basic assessments any professional that knows his onions would run ( We created the one many professionals in Nigeria now use called ‘Oyela’)

By the time we do the analysis it reveals exactly what happened. What many people don’t know is that you can’t call your spouse a fool just to exonerate yourself from the folly and pretend that you are wise. One of the critical rules of engagement in marriage is never to get married to someone whose current reality you are unwilling to put up with for the rest of your life.

What many of us do is to get married either hoping to change our spouse or hoping they will outgrow the red flags. A lot of us underrate the culture we want to get married into and the capacity of our spouses to break free from that culture and the consequence of breaking free. We then become emotional about what should have been handled ahead of time if only we engaged a professional who is detached enough to run assessments that can pick these signals.

The royal family has been in the news and there has been all forms of analysis. Truth is it is so easy to pass comments from the standpoint of the lady involved without switching to the other side of sitting on the seat of the Queen whose grandson is about to disrupt a culture that has been over the ages. We may not fully appreciate what is happening with the royal family until we bring that same model back to the ancient kings in Africa and what the consequence could have been for the prince and his bride. As a family life professional i can tell that while it is so easy to pass a comment on any other family marriage in the Royal Family is a different ball of game that comes with a different rules of engagement.

There are always 2 sides and several shades to every issue and it is often easy to pick a side while ignoring the other side until we find ourselves on that other side.

Truth is if you are a student of history and you fully understand how the British Monarchical system operates you may not understand that marrying into that system ‘may’ strip you of who you are to fit into a mode that meets the criteria of who a royalty is and in the training of royalties there are rules of engagement which is why it feels so strange that

Meghan and her husband seem to be going against the known norm.

Is the Royal Family right with their initial stance?

I don’t think they were wrong at all with their initial stance. The only issue is that the system should have proactively planned for days like this because nothing lasts forever.

“If the rate of change on the outside exceeds the rate of change on the inside, the end is near.” – Jack Welch

The Royal Family did not observe as the ‘cheese’ started moving when royalties started showing up at football matches and engaging in activities that didn’t align with what royalties were known for in ancient times. There were so many things Royalties never did way back according to the book that seemed to have changed so this was long coming.

Any attempt to insult the Royal family or the Prince and his bride won’t do justice to the issue. The royal family is not wrong and the Prince and his bride were not also wrong even though this could have been better handled and sorted from within before it became a public issue.

While we applaud him for standing for his family we must also applaud a culture that seem to have become liberal because i can imagine what would have happened if this had happened in 1945.

For me there are several lessons in here which are cultural and marital lessons that everyone must pay attention to;

1. Don’t just fall in love with a guy or babe seek to understand the culture that produced him/her and the consequence of getting married into that culture (it could be a family culture)

2. Pre-determine the culture your marriage is going to embrace ahead of time and the cost of going against the norm

3. Troubleshoot whatever you have held unto as your culture and check if it can pass the test of truth and new awareness

4. Proactively plan for change before change happens so that you are not caught unawares

5. Never fight a system that is well known to you before you engaged and accepted to be a part of it because you’d become a rebel except you have enough clout and powers that can save your head.

6. The path of wisdom is always peace and pleasantness. Everything must be done to promote peace and progress of a family.

7. Stand for your conviction against all odds having thought through the consequences for your position but ensure your action doesn’t destroy a system that has served you and everyone else.

8. Get married to someone with a mind of his own and can stand for you against all odds but also wise enough to follow the path of truce as against crisis.

For those who don’t know where the Prince wants to go settle is still an extension of the Queen’s territory but kudos to the Royal Family and everyone involved for how they have all come together to find a win-win solution.

It is the era of disruption and systems that don’t self check and embrace the new may be left behind.

Marriage is the coming together of a man and a woman from 2 different cultures to create a new culture that will promote the best interest of all and whose culture would give our world rest – Praise Fowowe

Kudos to the Prince and his bride on one side and thumbs up to the Royal Family on the other side.

I honour you @Praisefowowe

Do you want to become a Family Life Professional and be equipped with 21st century tools for assisting troubled marriages? Come to Class at the Institute of Family Engineering and Development from February 24th – March 1st, 2020 in Lagos. Contact Emmanuel +234 706 809 9845 to pick a seat in class or visit

Source : Praise Fowowe


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